Agh, disappointment.

So I had my next follow up appointment this morning. They did the glucose tolerance test. And that stuff was horrible. Soda with double to sugar. Its actually made my kinda nauseous to drink it. The results should be back in a few days. Not that it matters since the midwife has essentially kicked me to the curb. The place I fell in love with, the atmosphere, the people, the kind of setting to bring a child into, has told me I am too high risk and therefore cannot use their facility. So now I have to switch to a MD and have my baby in the hospital. The place I was studiously trying to avoid. Yup, you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

So the search for a doctor now starts. Not ideal since I am 26 weeks along. My main two options are to go back to my prior OB, the one who delivered the midget, or to go to the MD affiliated with the Birth Center. I am not terribly excited about either choice. This really blows.

Then there is the financial hit. Being out of work for possibly up to 6 months means my take home pay is cut in half and then goes down to nothing. If we take the midget out of daycare we stand to save some money but how can I realistically maintain bed rest with a toddler at home? And then there are the hospital bills. 2 short stays so far plus another when I have the baby. And considering how my luck is going it will be an emergency C section or something. I just feel really pessimistic about this whole thing.

I feel lost in the wind. Like everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong or will go wrong. I don't want to get depressed again. What kind of mother and wife can I be if I am a depressed sobbing mess. But after today thats all I feel like doing. Curling up in a ball and crying.

But baby number 2 is doing good. Growing well. Kicking up a storm. She is my silver lining right now and I just have to focus on that.