A taste of freedom.

I got some wonderful news during my last OB visit. I AM OFF BEDREST!! My last set of lab values were back in the normal range. My baby is growing beautifully. My blood pressure is perfect. So I am partially set free. I had a follow up ultrasound and the baby is now 4 pounds. Everything is looking up. Now the next question is whether or not I will be able to go back to work. Part of me wants to get out the house but the other half of me wants to use all this free time and freedom to run around and do stuff before the new baby arrives. We shall see what happens.

Finding a way.

So far the news has been good from the OB. Everything is going well, the baby is growing, and so on and so forth. I am starting to find a rhythm to my days at home alone. I started a to-do list and I am slowly working my way thru it. A couple of wonderful birthday gifts are fueling my reading addiction. All in all its becoming bearable. What sucks is that I can feel myself getting more and more out of shape with each passing day. A trip upstairs from the basement now leaves me hopelessly winded. I feel like I need a nap everyday. One silver lining is that the scale didn't explode from my inactivity. Granted I am also not as hungry since I am not really doing anything. I count the days until number 2 gets here. I anxiously await rejoining my BGR sisters and going to my crossfit cube. But in the mean time I am finding a way to not implode.

Out of sync

It's the middle of the night and I am WIDE awake. Not having to be anywhere is messing with my internal clock. Plus I end up falling asleep almost every time I lay down or sit too long. At this point I feel like half my day is spent sleeping.

Well I saw the new OB on Friday. Nice group of doctors, at least the ones I have met so far. So the plan is weekly visits, continue modified bed rest, periodic blood tests depending on how things look at the office visits. My blood pressure has been looking great. The protein in my urine is still on the high side. Luckily no other symptoms of pre-e.

I was very happy for the visitors we had this weekend although I felt like I had nothing to contribute to the conversation. I mean what do I really have to say. I feel fine, I'm bored silly, and I sleep all day. Doesn't exactly make for a captivating conversation.

Such is life. Still awake with nothing to do. I really have to work on staying awake during the day. But it's just so easy to doze off from the sheer boredom.

Agh, disappointment.

So I had my next follow up appointment this morning. They did the glucose tolerance test. And that stuff was horrible. Soda with double to sugar. Its actually made my kinda nauseous to drink it. The results should be back in a few days. Not that it matters since the midwife has essentially kicked me to the curb. The place I fell in love with, the atmosphere, the people, the kind of setting to bring a child into, has told me I am too high risk and therefore cannot use their facility. So now I have to switch to a MD and have my baby in the hospital. The place I was studiously trying to avoid. Yup, you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

So the search for a doctor now starts. Not ideal since I am 26 weeks along. My main two options are to go back to my prior OB, the one who delivered the midget, or to go to the MD affiliated with the Birth Center. I am not terribly excited about either choice. This really blows.

Then there is the financial hit. Being out of work for possibly up to 6 months means my take home pay is cut in half and then goes down to nothing. If we take the midget out of daycare we stand to save some money but how can I realistically maintain bed rest with a toddler at home? And then there are the hospital bills. 2 short stays so far plus another when I have the baby. And considering how my luck is going it will be an emergency C section or something. I just feel really pessimistic about this whole thing.

I feel lost in the wind. Like everything that can go wrong, has gone wrong or will go wrong. I don't want to get depressed again. What kind of mother and wife can I be if I am a depressed sobbing mess. But after today thats all I feel like doing. Curling up in a ball and crying.

But baby number 2 is doing good. Growing well. Kicking up a storm. She is my silver lining right now and I just have to focus on that.

And so it begins...

I am on bed rest. These are possibly the two worst words to ever come out of my OB's mouth. Bed Rest. Sounds good in theory. Lay in bed, chill out, catch up on your reading. The you get to the fine print. No work, no housework, no driving, no going out, no life. And if you don't you run the risk of having a stroke or losing the baby. Great. Just Great.

So this is baby number 2 for us. I have a wonderful, rambunctious, cute as all get out 2 year old daughter (aka the midget) already. And now she is going to get a little sister. This was an unexpected pleasure. No really planned, but welcomed anyway. I had started a new job, so the prospect of spending my pregnancy indoors instead of running around like I did with the midget (I worked home care PT) was a welcome one. But this pregnancy just wasn't cooperating. You want to make God laugh - tell him your plans. That pretty much sums this whole thing up.

I had started doing Crossfit right before I found out I was pregnant. And it was GREAT! Best workout I ever had. The place was close to my job so I could run over right after work. The people were wonderful and supportive. It was small group format and always something different. Because of Crossfit I ran my first non stop mile in like a decade. I was also finally making headway towards losing the remains of the 50 pounds I had gained when pregnant with the midget. I was down to a new low of 204 pounds.

Then I got the positive pregnancy test. And I immediately went to my OB. I had several miscarriages in the past due to my low hormone levels. It was discovered when I was pregnant with the midget and was successfully treated. So they put me on Progesterone again and I immediately gained 10 pounds. I was discouraged but I was hoping to keep exercising to keep that weight gain to a minimum. I did not want another 50 pound pregnancy, especially since I hadn't gotten rid of the first 50. But it was not to be. The worse summer in forever as far as heat and humidity, plus horrible morning sickness and fatigue, and a Crossfit facility with no A/C meant I reluctantly stopped going to Crossfit. And I barely had to energy to work, much less do anything extra.

I managed to keep my weight gain under control with diet. I did not succumb to my desires for banana ice cream with chocolate chips, marshmallows, walnuts, and rainbow sprinkles. Instead I ate fruit like it was going out of style. I also switched care providers, opting for the local Birth Center so I could have the natural birth I wished for the first time around. The nausea began to subside and I began to walk more as the weather cleared up.

Then it all went south again. My precious midget tried to take out her competition by jumping on my tummy. I end up in the hospital because I started having contractions. I spent the night and found out the baby was okay but I had a small tear in the placenta, and abnormal urine test results. Back to work I went and followup testing reveled the tear had healed and the baby was still doing just fine. But mommy was not. Elevated blood pressure, slight edema in the feet that didn't always go away, and elevated protein in my urine. I end up with another trip to the hospital and a diagnosis of preeclampsia. I was given a course of steroids to speed up the baby's lung development in case she came, or was forced to come, early. And I received the bombshell - BEDREST!

So I am 6 days into my 3 month (finger crossed) sentence. I am supposed to stay home and be still. Which is the single hardest thing for me to do. Especially since I feel just fine. I spend my days running around, talking to people all day. And now I have to sit home alone with my cat and be still. And contemplate life or something. Sigh. I know it is for the best for the baby and myself. The last thing I need is for the pre-e to get worse and have something horrible happen to one or both of us. But that very rational argument doesn't make this any easier. It goes against the grain for me. When I am home I can't help but think of how I have let the house go to hell because I have been to tired to clean properly. I see the baseboards in the bathroom that need to be painted. And the dust that has collected. And the never ending laundry I could be doing. And I have to restrain myself from trying to do it all today. Because I am supposed to be taking it easy. And cleaning the house from top to bottom in one day is definitely NOT taking it easy.

So I sit. I dust one room yesterday and hide the dust mop so I won't start on another room. My husband spends the weekend wrangling a midget and forcing me to lay down and drink some water. And I start a blog.

I have done this blogging thing on and off during the years. Mainly when some new life event has inspired me to record whats happening so I don't forget later. So what better life event to record than the total upheaval of all I know and do by being put on bed rest for the remainder of this pregnancy. Something to occupy my time and thoughts and add structure to my day. And something to help me keep my sanity.